Welcome to Big Brother!
by AppleJuiceMaster
Summary: Well, of course we all know the Big brother shows, where strange, VERY REAL stuff happens! Now, what would happen if we put people of this lovely fandom in a big house with lots of cameras? INSANITY! I know this has been done before, but so what!


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, nor the idea of Big Brother, obviously.  
  
Scene: A big white house, with barriers around it, and a big crowd.  
  
Lord Voldemort stumbles into view, wearing a suit and holding a microphone. 'I said no pushing!!' He yells at some random people in the crowd. 'Anyway...' He turns to face the camera, a big smile on his face, trying to look nice but instead looking like the insane maniac he is.  
  
'Welcome, to the new, very cool, really awesome, totally real... Do I have to say this?!' The camera goes up and down, gesturing "yes". Voldemort sighs. '...and exciting Big Brother show!' He whips out his wand, walks trough the crowd, killing people who are in his way. 'In a few minutes, the people who will stay here will arrive!'  
  
People are screaming because of the sudden deaths of hundreds of people, and run away, leaving Voldemort standing all alone. 'About bloody time, finally got some space to move around here...' A few cars honk. 'And there are they!!'  
  
Four black limousines with little 'Big Brother' flags on them are in view. House elves are opening the doors for the candidates, who step out of them, looking surprised that there is no crowd. Voldemort rushes over to the first person that stepped out of a limo.  
  
'Hello! May I ask your name?' He asks a man with long blonde hair and flashing blue eyes. 'Yes, you may.' There's a silence, before Voldemort realizes he has to ask. 'Well, what is it?' 'Lucius Malfoy.' A wicked smile crosses the man's face. 'Right! Well, have a good time at the Big Brother house, Lucius!' Voldemort turns to walk over to a man with greasy black hair.  
  
'And, what's your name?' Voldemort asks, shoving the microphone under the hooked nose of the man. 'Severus Snape, and get that thing away from me!' 'Okey dokey! Have fun!' As Voldemort runs over to another man, Severus gives him the finger. Lucius notices and high fives him, both yelling, 'SLYTHERIN!'  
  
'Hello there!' Voldemort calls the attention of a dark haired man, who was staring at a brown haired man. 'Hm? Oh, hi!' 'What's your name?' Voldemort asks nicely. 'Sirius Black...' Sirius replies, staring at the brown haired man again, while Voldemort is desperately trying to get his attention. 'Well! I'll... just... go over there then!' He gives up, and walks over to the brown haired man, who's blushing furiously.  
  
'Hiya, what's your name?' Voldemort asks, the man is still blushing. 'Remus Lupin.' 'And, do you think you'll have fun in the 14 weeks you have to spend in the house with the other seven?' Remus blushes even more, and catches Sirius' eye, who winks. 'I... Yeah, I think so.' 'Grrreat!' Voldemort notices more limo's and rushes over to them.  
  
A young man steps out of the front limo, his green eyes big with excitement. 'Hello!' Voldemort yells, the boy looks at him, frowning in a "Hey-don't-I-know-you-from-somewhere?" way. 'What's your name?' Voldemort asks, the boy still eyeing him strangely. 'Harry Potter.' 'That's nice. Have fun!' 'Ta.' Voldemort walks over to the fifth limo.  
  
'Hey! What's your name?' 'Ron Weasley.' Ron replies, ruffling his hair and glancing at a brown haired girl. 'Cool name, bye!' Voldemort strolls over to the brown haired girl, while Ron looks confused.  
  
'Hello there, miss! What's your name?' The brown haired girl smiles. 'Hermione Granger.' Voldemort sniffs. 'You... smell weird.' Hermione frowns. 'What?!' 'A bit... Muggle-ish. Must be my imagination.' He shrugs and walks over to the last limo, where a tall man just stepped out of, wearing strange clothes and tons of eyeliner, looking confused.  
  
'Hello, you!' The man looks around, disoriented. 'Where the 'ell am I?!' He yells at no one. 'Uhm, hi?' Voldemort steps in front of him. 'Whoa. Who you be, mate?' 'Err.. And, who are you?' 'I'm Cap'n Jack Sparrow... Where the hell am I, savvy?' Voldemort looks confused. 'You're here, at the Big Brother house where you will spend fourteen weeks with the others!' '...Sure.' The man starts to walk away from Voldemort, who doesn't know what to do, so he faces the camara again.  
  
'So, there you have it, kids! You'll be spending the next fourteen weeks observing these wizards, witches, and... pirates. Do you honestly have nothing better to do?'  
  
~~MWAHAA!! Yep, I even managed to include Jack Sparrow. I'm such a fangirl. Anyway, please review!~~ 


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